Dealing with narcissists can be one of the most tiresome and confusing experiences. They can make you feel small and unimportant and are not above challenging your personal perception of reality. Those with narcissistic traits are highly self-centered. Psychologists would describe them as having little to no empathy, with a constant need for attention and a sense of entitlement to preferential treatment. Knowing how to deal with a narcissist focuses on protecting yourself, not changing them.
We will offer practical strategies beyond definitions and explanations. You will learn how to deal with a narcissist, set boundaries, communicate most effectively, and learn to take care of yourself. You can use the strategies to deal with a family member, partner, or even colleague and regain control and peace.
The Narcissistic Mindset
Narcissists are highly self-centered and self-absorbed. It helps to understand what motivates the specific kind of self-centered behavior in a narcissist. The world revolves around a very fragile self-esteem in the case of narcissists. They create a powerful outer shell to create a sense of vulnerability for the inner self that is very weak.
The Need for Admiration
Narcissists need an unending flow of praise and recognition. This behavior stands in sharp contrast to what constitutes a great leader, where empathy and emotional awareness are essential traits.
They need feedback from people to ease themselves into aggrandizement. This is known as ‘narcissistic supply.’ If they do not receive feedback, they can become angry, demanding, or depressed. When they feel ignored or criticized, the charm can evaporate.
A Lack of Empathy
Central to the disorder’s defining traits is the absence of the ability to properly and adequately comprehend or share the emotional experience of another. It is difficult for them to experience something from the perspective of another individual. Her needs, emotional and otherwise, and even the problems of others, can seem wholly irrelevant to them.
This is part of what makes them seem so callous, if not psychopathic, indifferent, or simply ruthless. This is not to say that they want to be malicious; they may simply be blind to the consequences of their conduct.
A Sense of Entitlement
Narcissists have an inflated sense of self-worth and an overwhelming feeling that they are unique and that they deserve the best of everything. They expect people to treat them as superior and are likely to become angry if such treatment is not provided. If the order or rule that is broken is there, it is there. And it is likely to be an unreasonable and ungrounded demand for it to be that way.
Practical Strategies for Dealing With a Narcissist
Set Strong, Clear Boundaries
Establishing limits in relationships with narcissists is crucial to preserving your mental state. In professional settings, this approach is closely related to learning how to hold people accountable without creating unnecessary conflict. They will push and even violate your limits, so you must be the one to be resolute and relentless.
Identify your limits. What actions are within your limit? Is it yelling? Insults? Being taken for granted in a conversation? Is it time? Be clear. ‘I will no longer engage with you if you choose to shout at me’ is clear enough, I would say.
If you aid them in crossing their limits, you are complicit. If it means no conversation, then by all means, end the conversation. This is for your sake, not theirs.
Use the “Gray Rock” Method
When you do not have the option of not engaging with a narcissist, the Gray Rock method can be quite helpful. Envision yourself as a gray, boring object. Try to be as disengaged, boring, and unresponsive as you can. Narcissists inflame your behavior and elicit emotional responses. The moment you do not provide this, they lose a tooth to derail you.
How does it function? Stay on topic with nothing but the main phrasing of your conversation. Keep your responses to questions and statements as short and factual as practically possible. Spare your response of any personal information or opinions. Do not waste any of your time engaging in arguments or attempting to justify your behavior (defensive). Most importantly, your blank responses will strip away the reality of the situation.
Focus on Your Own Reality
A common technique used by narcissists is called “gaslighting.” They manipulate the truth and cause you to question your memory, perception, or even your sanity. They can deny what they said or did, even in the face of evidence to the contrary. You may hear things like, “You’re too sensitive” or “You’re crazy.”
You can start by keeping a record of what happened. It is what happened, with date and time. It is NOT for them; it is for you. When they try to change the truth, it helps you stay grounded in this truth. Seek the views of a trustworthy friend on your comments. You can trust yourself. If it feels wrong, it is.
When the Narcissist Is Someone You Can’t Avoid
Narcissists in your workplace or family can be excruciating to deal with, especially if you can’t walk away. Similar workplace challenges can also arise when handling uncooperative colleagues, such as learning how to deal with a lazy coworker. It’s a matter of finding the least harmful way to deal with them.
- In the Workplace: Try to keep your communication professional, and if possible, do it through email. Document notable events, and try to steer clear of workplace gossip. It can also be helpful to cultivate positive relationships with your other coworkers. When it comes to ideation, try to position the idea in a way that makes the narcissist feel like they were part of the idea to reduce the chances of conflict.
- Within the Family: If the narcissist is a family member, you may have to keep your distance. Your time and emotional energy are your own to conserve. When you have to interact with them, keep the conversation to topics that are unlikely to provoke criticism or emotional injury.
Protecting Your Mental Health Is the Priority
Understandably, you would feel anxious and depressed and have low self-esteem from being around this kind of behavior.
Do things that you find rewarding. Set small goals and then achieve them. Engage in hobbies. Practice self-compassion and try to avoid culpability for the behavior of narcissistic people. You deserve to be insulted and disregarded. Engage in self-care because it will help you manage the difficult interactions and give you the ability to walk away if that is what you choose.
Final Thoughts
It isn’t easy dealing with a narcissist. Constantly maintaining firm boundaries, keeping self-expectations in check, and utilizing methods such as the gray rock technique become a way of life. Remember not to get lost in the reality distortion field narcissists create. In the case of a family narcissist, keep your engagements with them superficial and professional.
FAQs
Q: What’s the main goal when dealing with a narcissist?
The main goal is protecting yourself, not trying to change the narcissist. The strategies focus on maintaining your mental stability, keeping control of your time and energy, and reducing harm in interactions.
Q: How do you set boundaries with a narcissist in a way that actually works?
Boundaries need to be clear, specific, and enforced consistently. You first identify what behavior you will not tolerate (e.g., yelling, insults, disrespect), then communicate a direct limit (such as: “I will no longer engage if you shout at me”), and follow through by ending the interaction if the boundary is crossed.
Q: What is the Gray Rock method, and when should you use it?
The Gray Rock method is described as a way to respond when you can’t avoid engagement. You remain deliberately boring, neutral, and brief, sticking to facts and avoiding emotional reactions, personal details, arguments, or defending yourself, because emotional responses are what narcissistic individuals tend to seek and escalate.
Q: What can you do if a narcissist tries to gaslight you?
It focuses on your own reality by documenting what happened (with dates and times) to stay grounded and resist rewritten narratives. It also suggests seeking perspective from a trusted person and taking your own sense that “something feels wrong” seriously, rather than accepting dismissive labels like “too sensitive” or “crazy.”
